Hi there, my name is Johannes, aka Buccaneer Jo, recently turned life-pirate on a mission to escape the mundane and create an adventure for myself and my swabby… and I brush my teeth every morning.
While I take another sip of my favourite elixir of life (coffee, savvy?), I will try to introduce myself and my swabby with a collection of our daily utilities.
So whats up with the black toothbrush? Just the idea of a black toothbrush doesn’t make sense: A toothbrush should uphold the aspiration of “white” teeth.
I had to have one.
I guess this humble black toothbrush represents the mundane in my life (of which there is a lot), but it also betrays a little bit of my irrational, anti-status quo notion of liking stuff that’s a little bit out of the ordinary… like beautiful things.
[ taking another sip and yellowing my white brushed teeth ] Yep, I love coffee. And if its mixed with hot chocolate even more. Coffee usually also means a waterhole with free WiFi – something that attracts me like an “x” on a treasure map.
I always find myself wearing the same pair of shoes and the same ol’ brown leather belt. They are both comfortable and fits with everything. Don’t misjudge me: I love funky shoes and funky belts, but wasting time trying to figure out what to wear is a trap I fall in easily. So jumping into the standard blue All Stars and mainstay belt to save time works every morning. Besides, I don’t have money for more than one pair of reliable sneakers.
The black watch I got from my guy. Can’t say its my style, but its masculine look makes me look tuff… arr!
Now, when it comes to daily utilities, a tuff guy like me need to have a utility knife at hand. You never know when opportunity knocks and you need to open some chest doors for pirateering… I mean privateering :-] … and it also makes me look tuff… arr!
Back to the mundane: I work on a Mac everyday, faking design, and I keep myself going with coffee. Even in this digital age I keep a notebook with me on my desk, filling up one page a week with the odd reminder and nonsensical scribbles. The notebook gives me the illusion that I’m a real life artist (but shush, its lack of substance will put any creative to shame).
My VW Tiguan ships me to work and back. Oh, it has cream leather seats!
I like to cook my food with a plastic spatula: Its broad and it scoops well.
And then at night I go to sleep with my Fitbit. I am a bit neurotic when it comes to the amount of hours I sleep (most probably due to a cocktail of insomnia, a brain that can’t shut up and a whole day’s fatigue). But coming back to my ideological self: the Fitbit was actually bought for my endeavour to get back at gym…
Now my swabby, Gregory, aka Privateer Greg, actually uses his Fitbit for what it was meant for: running the plank and pushing iron! He has recently reached a stable average on the daily required 10 000 steps (and may I add how active one has to be to reach 10 000 steps daily! Totally impossible for a desk sitting pencil pusher like me).
The swabby loves leg day. He has the gym card to prove it. Mind you, I also have a gym card, but it’s not a daily feature and thus can’t be mentioned here. The iPod and headphones (and Fitbit) are companions he can’t go to gym without – running the stationary plank (for hours as he might brag) drives him insane without (decent) music.
As you can see, from the image, he lives of coffee and protein shakes (as if the elixir of life is not enough!).
In the odd occasion Privateer Greg has to cook, he cooks with a wooden spoon. I don’t know why: one can’t scoop a lot of food with it and its terrible for turning food over. As they say, “too many c(r)ooks spoil the broth,” so I rather don’t touch his cooking (and neither his dish washing, may I add – too scared of messing up his system).
Of what I know, he is not much of a pencil pusher. He drives around in his Suzuki Swift from client to client, connecting computers and servers (and so filling up his 10 000 steps on the Fitbit), and stealing teaspoons (pirate!).
No, true story! As the Privateer always forget to take cutlery with his lunches, he finds himself between a rock and a hard place every time his midmorning snack doesn’t have a scoop to scoop with. (Interesting to see how quickly he turns pirate!).
Different to other households where teaspoons seems to get feet and flee from the local kitchen cupboard, our teaspoon supply seems to multiply each week…
Privateer Greg also wears All Stars, and also wears it almost everyday (copy cat!). But what is important to note here is that the shoe is a size 11 (UK). Wearing them everyday is due to a lack of choice: trying to find a pair of 11 size shoes is like trying to find an “x” without a map!
Coming back to the toothbrush: the Privateer’s use of an electric brush clearly emphasize his notion for the logical and functional… ha, and also the gimmicky. He brushes his teeth and styles his hair into a stiff every morning (I don’t bother with gel, I don’t have hair).
As the swabby is dozing of in front of his newest Terry Pratchett book, I close this post with a “good night” – its time I turn in (before I get the evil eye from His Privateerness!).
This is Buccaneer Jo and his swabby, Privateer Greg, maybe tomorrow we will escape the kraken claws of the establishment.
To err is human, to arr is piracy!
PS: Remember to brush you teeth before jumping ship every morning, you never know who you need to smile at to get some rum!